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August 14, 2012
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Looking at your past, I know I'm in for a ride.
If it ever reoccurs, know I'll be here by your side.

I'll stick by you when you think you've lost it all.
I'll be here for you to catch you if you fall.

I'll try to help you in any possible way I can.
If you'll just let me in, let me be part of the plan.

I want the best for you, for everything to be okay.
I don't want you to feel down at the end of the day.

Don't think that it's not possible for you to change.
It may happen slowly, but it's in your range.

You're not worthless or a lost cause in my eyes.
You're so much more, almost like a prize.

If something ever happens, I know we'll make it through.
Because what I'm really trying to say is, I believe in you.
:iconmegthemagnificent:
Okay guys.. I need people to critique this. I know it doesn't sound very good, but that's what other people's opinions are for! To help other people out in order to make things sound a whole lot better. I don't care how brutally honest you are, just please try to offer some way of fixing some of the mistakes I know I made in this thing I call a poem. Any little suggestions on how to make this sound better will help and will be greatly appreciated!!
- For informational purposes on what's behind this poem, if you couldn't tell, I really like this guy, but he's got a bad past. Sometimes it repeats itself. I want to show this to him in hopes of making him feel better and try to move on with his past life, that he can get away from it because I believe he can move past what happened and get to a better place in life. He's working so hard on trying to make things better right now. I know this would really make him feel good about everything, if it actually sounded good! So help me out guys! Please? And thank you tons!
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:iconwtfisit123:
Mood: Joy ~wtfisit123 Jan 11, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
I really loved this! I actually think I felt just how intense of a feeling you may have felt when you were inspired to right this. It is simple, but not in a dumb way, but in a graceful way that wouldn't distract this guy that you like. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I suppose that is only me. Looking through what someone else may think, I'd say the only possible problems would be its length, or that the message I know you're trying to get across in lines 9-12 might be misunderstood with its wording how it is.
I love how you organized it, and I wish you the best of luck :)
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:iconmegthemagnificent:
Thank you! In lines 9-12, I was talking about something that only he and I could understand. He knew what I was talking about. As for the length, usually when I get to writing, I only have a small portion of what I know sounds really good, but I can't just put that and be finished.. It needed more. Not sure if it helped or not, but I wasn't sure how to write the parts toward the end. >.<
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:iconjoojie99:
*Joojie99 Aug 19, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
I really like it, I think it sounds great!
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:iconmegthemagnificent:
Thank you for this and the favorite!!
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:iconjoojie99:
*Joojie99 Aug 20, 2012  Student Traditional Artist
My pleasure :)
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